From the New Yorker. A few of my personal favorites:
#4. If I am unable to feed, clean, or dress myself, I would like to be referred to as “Mr. Trump.”
# 5. Do not resuscitate me before noon.
# 6. If I do not respond to pinches, pinpricks, rubber mallets, or other medical stimuli, please stop laughing.
# 7. If I no longer respond to loved ones’ attempts at communication, ask them about our last car trip.
# 12. If my doctor pronounces me brain-dead, I would like to see the new Ashton Kutcher movie ...
LINK: The New Yorker