Have you no shame?
To glorify and personalize the world of outdoor equipment so that it is immensely appealing to all ages and races regardless of class or stature or astrological sign is one thing. To do it well, to do it with style, and to do it in a way that makes even merino wool socks seem incredibly sexy is another.
But to sacrifice your professional ethics in this pursuit, like a feral cat in Wisconsin on opening day, is nothing but an embarrassment.
Yes, it is true that I told editor James Glave about Kelty's double-secret scuba stroller program during a recent outdoor industry gathering. But it was OFF THE RECORD. Like the same OFF THE RECORD that means you're not supposed to write about in the magazine, man!
Mr. Glave assured me that the conversation would never be mentioned again, and that "my secret was safe with him." Ohh, that crafty Canadian.
For me to see the Kelty Scuba Stroller brazenly gracing the pages of the new Outside Buyers Guide is nothing short of a violation of professional confidence and personal ethics.
Mr. Glave's faux pas will surely result in the cancellation of the entire Kelty underwater equipment program ... the deep-sea sleeping bags (comfy!), the coral reef Carports (roomy!), and - sadly enough - our entire underwater Nordic Walking team (Hans Erik will be very upset).
I demand that Mr. Glave be released from his post, and forced to leave the country, preferably relocating to some rural nowheresville in Canada.
Please cancel my complimentary subscription.
Kelty public relations