5.08.2007

Bernie: Not a Greenneck


The Greenneck considers himself a Bernie supporter. So pugnacious, so pragmatic, such obvious disdain for hair care products. These are qualities the Greenneck can identify with.

But Bernie seems confused of late. So confused, he’s calling for a windfall profits tax on big oil and the return of cheap gas. Let’s be clear: The Greenneck feels the pinch of $3 gas, and he feels for his fellow Vermonters, many of whom can afford it even less than he. And he can hardly comprehend the quantity of money that’s falling into big oil’s pockets. All those zero’s. (It reminds the Greenneck of last week, when he hopped on his neighbor's 2-stroke KTM 200 and did zero to 60 in about three point zero seconds).

The Greenneck is not a big thinker. But if he were, he’d think that a return of inexpensive gas is the last thing Vermont needs. If he were, he’d think that Bernie is merely pandering to his constituents. And he’d think that if Bernie could muster even a fraction of the courage he’s shown in the past, he’d be calling for higher energy prices and perhaps even a tax on gasoline to encourage conservation. The Greenneck wonders if such a tax could not be offset by cuts to payroll taxes, or by an income tax credit based on a carbon consumption cap.

But then, the Greenneck is just a simple kind of man; now, his head hurts from so much thinking and wondering. He needs a tall boy and a nap.

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