7.30.2013

OR-GNAR

With all due respect and deference to Shane McConkey and the brilliant creators of GNAR, it’s long overdue to bring just a smidgen of GNAR’s ten-ton awesomeness and self-deferential ridiculousness to the floors of the Salt Palace for the semi-annual Outdoor Retailer trade show.  

Where else can you get 100k devoted and passionate outdoors people to spend four days of their precious summer … inside?  Where else can you get dirtbag climbers and river skids to plan four days of clean, color coordinated outfits?  Where else are you likely to be sandwiched in a coffee line between the president of Patagonia, the lead designer for Arcteryx, two world class freeclimbers, and a and first-year shop employee who refuses to talk to any of them out of "principle".
The following OR-GNAR outline is for fun only, and is not meant for gambling purposes. Unless, of course, we get enough people and you're into it.   Of course, if you've got more ideas, hit me here (@wickedoutdoorsy) or here (hello@palemorning.com)

OR-GNAR > INITIAL POINT ARRAY

-200 points
Using wheeled luggage in the O.R. show aisles at any time.  -250 if it’s on Horny Toad corner.

-150 points
Eating any showfood while sitting on the Salt Palace carpet at any time.  -250 for eating a tough skinned burrito with a soft plastic fork.

-50 points
Wearing a Western shirt and shorts at the same time, while talking about the Denver Broncos (#BeLikeKray)

-25 points
Wearing a short-sleeved plaid shirt and flip flops at any point next to another dude wearing a short-sleeved plaid shirt and flip flops.    Negative points are cumulative (3 plaid/ss = -75pts, eg).   Minus an additional 10 points for each visor in the group.

25 points
Scoring a "No Kids on a Powder Day" Coozie.    Get one from Patrick Brown at  Ticla (PV952)

50 points
Donating $5 to CityPak … the charity creators of storage packs for homeless people ... and earning a chance for airfare and tickets to Bonnie Raitt in Chicago.    (Thursday, 5:30 pm, High Sierra, Booth 16041)

50 points
Sporting a Utili-Kilt at any time.    Bonus 200 for wearing nothing else.

100 points
While waiting in line at any restaurant of coffee shop, loudly proclaim that "YOU KNOW, VEGAS HAS SIXTEEN OLIVE GARDENS AND THERE'S NEVER A LINE."

100 points 
While at the Teva Party, stand on a barstool and loudly proclaiming that you feel like Gandalf visiting the hobbits.  

100 points
Challenging Elevation Outdoors editor Doug Schnitzspahn to a poetry duel … to the death. (#WordsCan'tKillPoetDoug). 

100 points
Nordic walking in Lycra shorts on the sidewalk outside the Salt Palace between 8-9 am. Calling your mom while doing it.   200 pts.

100 points
During the SOG knife “swap” (Booth 120), ask marketing director Chris Cashbaugh if the new blade is sharp enough to "cut the cheese."

100 points
Eating a show hot dog with Climbing editor Shannon Davis.

200 points
Being at the show past noon on Saturday.


 200 points
Making safe but sanitary physical contact with any of the following people: Bear Grylls, Jeff Probst, Kenji Haroutunian or Chris Denny.   Photo proof required.  #TouchastaratOR

200 Points
Midway through a line preview with Sam Moulton of Outside Magazine, call your mom.   

250 points
For any working media, at any time, who purchases a beverage for a PR manager.   Photo proof required

250 points
Spending two hours, minimum, in the Pavilion – particularly on Friday afternoon for the #Night3PavilionParty

500 points
Topping out on the Pscico-comp Deepwater solo wall in Park City.   Extra points for doing it in the finals against Chris Sharma.   You've earned it.





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